wait, really? Emails with an absurd car insurance agent

The other day I got a call from my car insurance agency telling me that I now qualify for a lower insurance rate. I asked the new agent on the phone for two things:

  1. The new policy’s quote
  2. My current policy so I could compare both policies

    Sometimes agents will tell you that you qualify for a lower price, but they’ll screw you by giving you less coverage, hoping that you won’t read it. I wasn’t about to let this happen.

    So began the following email exchange:

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    “YOU NOW QUALIFY TO LOWER YOUR INSURANCE PREMIUM”

    Thank you for the opportunity to discuss your insurance needs. The following quote is based on our goal to provide you with the best coverage at the lowest price.

    (SEE ATTACHMENT)

    SINCERELY,

    ROBIN CLARKE
    (XXX) XXX-XXXX
    OFFICE MANAGER

    You know what this email raised, right?

    red_flag

    Her signature says “Robin” but the header says “Roblyn,” which I’m pretty sure isn’t even a name.

    The other problem was that she only attached the new policy when I had already asked for both the new one and my current one.

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    Robin, can you send me my current policy also so I can compare?

    Thanks.

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    WHAT INFO DO YOU NEED CALL ME ROBIN

    Does she want me to call her or call her Robin? At this point I’m thinking that I’ll just go into the office. Things happen much more quickly in person.

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    Hello.

    Where is the new office located and what are your hours?

    Let me know, thanks!

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    THERE IS NO NEW OFFICE YET ,IF U WANT THIS PRICE

    WE CAN DO EVERYTHING OVER THE PHONE OR FAX,AND YOU CAN EMAIL ME THE C/C/ INFO,AND I CAN FAX YOU THE APP,MY SCANNER DOES NOT WRK. WE ALREDAY HAVE ALL OF YOUR INFO,BECAUSE YOU ARE A CLIENT HERE NOW

    WE CAN DO EVERYTHING OVER THE FAX OR PHONE CALL ME

    There is no new office yet if I want this price… but what if I don’t want this price? Would there be an office then?

    I’m a client here now? I wasn’t before?

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE
    Hey, Robin.

    Is there a way you can mail me USPS my current policy so I can compare it to this one? I’m trying to see if the rate itself is lowering, and that’s the only change, or if the deductible and coverage is changes as well.

    Thanks.

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    I CANT MAIL YOU THE POLICY UNLESS YOU PAY FOR IT I CAN ONLY GIVE YOU THE QUOTE LIKE I DID
    TO MAKE THINGS SIMPLE AND EZ I CAN PROBABLY FIND A WAY TO SCAN IT FOR YOU TO SEND THE POLICY TO UR EMAIL BUT U MUST PAY THE DWN PMT FIRST

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    I’m talking about the policy I currently have. Not the one you gave me the quote for.

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    JESSE, U CAN JUST TELL ME UR COVERGAES AND ILL SIMPLY MATCH THEM,
    WE DNT HAVE TO WAIT FOR MAIL,ITS A WASTE,JUST COMPARE RATE,MATCH THE COVERAGES
    PAY BY EMAIL OR PHONE AND ILL FAX U OR EMAIL YOU THE POLICY
    ILL EVEN CANCELL UR CURRENT POLICY IF U WANT

    Hopefully you’re following along, just as I did, getting confused, just as I did. I’m asking for A, she is telling me she can’t give me B, then asking me to compare B with A, which she isn’t giving me.

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    Are you telling me that you don’t have my current policy on hand?

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    oh yes i do sorry,i can compare here
    i was under the impression that you had the policy elsewhere
    i can compare it
    i can email a copy of ur dec page to you

    You think I have my car insurance policy with another company, even though you’re the company that called me offering me a lower rate? This is great.

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    No, I don’t have the policy elsewhere. How would that be possible? The reason you contacted me in the first place is because I have a policy with you now, and you were offering me a lower rate.

    This is turning into a rather complicated matter for such a simple request: you’re offering me a new policy. Can I get a copy of my current policy emailed to me so I can compare?

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    nothing is complicated jesse i simply said,i thought you were insured elsewhere,it is possible
    however, i will email you a copy of your current policy you pay $1340 for the year

    She didn’t answer my main question, so I just asked it again.

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    How would I be insured elsewhere when this whole thing started by you calling me because I was insured with you?

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    WE HAVE LOTS OF CLIENTS HERE AT SSI,AND I GET LOTS OF EMAILS JESSE,SORRY

    I AM UNABLE TO COPY AND PASTE TO SHOW YOU YOUR COVERAGES HOWEVER YOU PAY, $177 A MNTH

    She switched back to caps! Maybe she’s angry! No one knows! Weeeeeee!

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    You told me that my rate is $1340 for the year.

    And now you’re telling me that my rate is $177 a month.

    Not only does that math not make any sense whatsoever, neither of those figures are what I actually pay.

    Honestly, I’d like to deal with Allie, who was dealing with me previously at your company, so that she can vouch for you. This is all very suspect.

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    117 A MNTH,ALLIE DSNT WRK HERE ANYMORE
    IF YOU WANT THE RATE ITS OK,IF NOT ITS STILL OK :)
    YOU PAY $117 A MNTH WITH INFINITY AT $1342 A YEAR :)
    AS A CURTEOUS WE CALLED TO LOWER YOUR RATE
    WE LIKE TO KEEP THINGS SIMPLE NOT COMPLICATED

    “WE LIKE TO KEEP THINGS SIMPLE NOT COMPLICATED”. That’s just about the most CURTEOUS lie I’ve ever heard.

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    Allow me to keep things simple: You called to lower my rate and then didn’t even know that I was a customer with you.

    I really enjoy your company, but if you can’t provide me with a reference from Allie then I’ll be looking for a new agent.

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    WITH ALL DO RESPECT I CANT REFER YOU TO ALLIE,I CALLED YOU
    SO WHATEVER MAKER YOU HAPPY MR CHAPMAN : )

    “Robin Clarke” doesn’t sound Asian….

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    I just got the policy you sent me in the mail.

    The policy you sent me is the QUOTE FOR THE NEW POLICY WHICH YOU ALREADY EMAILED ME.

    I requested MY CURRENT POLICY SO THAT I CAN COMPARE THEM.

    IS THIS A JOKE?

    From: ROBLYN CLARKE
    To: Jesse Chapman
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    i didnt send you anything,that may have been your renewalfrom infinity
    jesse for further assistance call our coorporate office

    maybe they can help you better : – )

    Where’s the number for that corporate office? Hello? Anyone? But more importantly:

    From: Jesse Chapman
    To: ROBLYN CLARKE
    Subject: HERES YOURINSURANCE RATE

    If you didn’t send me anything, WHY NOT? I ASKED YOU TO SEND ME MY CURRENT POLICY.

    ROBLYN/ROBIN never responded to my last email. I have since called and cancelled my policy with that company. I’m in the process of switching over to Progressive through a local agent in Studio City.

    So far the new agent has really impressed me, though it’s not hard: they’ve been sending emails that follow the rules of the English language.