in Life

I’ve never seen an article about these people, so I figured I’d write one.

There are so many people in life that do or say something so incredibly ridiculous that I am forced to stop whatever I’m doing and stare at them blankly. Of course these incredibly ridiculous things are more ridiculous than incredible, and really more stupid than ridiculous or incredible. You might be one of these people.

Not sure if you are one of these people?

Give yourself 1 point for each of the following statements that apply to you.

  1. I often raise my hand in class when a teacher asks a question. When the teacher calls on me, I answer the question and then proceed to share a detailed experience that relates in no way to the original question or even my answer.
  2. I often speak for 5 minutes at a time when I could have spoken for 20 to 30 seconds and relayed the exact same thought.
  3. I frequently and inappropriately shout one-liners during class when the teacher or other students say something. People ignore my one-liners and continue speaking as though I wasn’t even there. I’m okay with this.
  4. I’m early to class. Too early.
  5. Despite some of my more awkward characteristics, I’m actually quite knowledgeable on a range of topics. No one cares.
  6. Something about my physical appearance is extremely awkward. But I have complete control over this, e.g., absurd hair, bizarre shoes, I look uncomfortably like Jesus Christ, etc. I’m okay with this.
  7. I’m constantly in a good mood, which makes people frequently wonder if I’m mentally unstable is some way.

Let’s take a look at how you did.

Remember, give yourself 1 point for every statement that applies to you.

  • 0 points: You’re in the clear.
  • 1-8 points: I’m sorry, but you are one of these people.

These people are everywhere.

I knew these people in high school, and I definitely know these people in college. There are 3 of them in my Monday night class. And while I can’t say for sure, I’m willing to bet that these people are in the real world, too. They have monthly meetings where they discuss the most effective ways to blow my mind. There’s no other way to explain how good they are at it.

The experience of first encountering a person like this is always the same.

It begins with them doing or saying something so incredibly ridiculous (stupid) that you are immediately annoyed and feel as though you need to end them (what’s Dexter’s phone number?). Every time they speak you take a deep breath, look down at your desk, and wish the teacher would just ask them to leave because you know they’re just as angry as you are but they don’t have tenure so they can’t say anything because they’re surely not going to be fired over this person are they STILL TALKING?

But after while, their annoyances turn into sheer confusion. Those same comments that once caused you such frustration now make you think, “Is this person real? Are they really saying this? Do they really think they’re… are … I don’t … is this person real?” It’s right about this time when other people have started to notice this person also. By now, you’re comfortable enough to scan the room to see who else is aware of this. Once you find someone else, it’s a quick moment in which you lock eyes, squint slightly, and then smile. This moment is amazing because (A), you’ve released your pent-up anger and confusion with another person and (B), that person is your new best friend because there is no single characteristic that brings two people together more than who annoys them.

It’s at this point that these people are now known by more than just a few people. Everyone knows about them. They’re celebrities. You always refer to them by first and last name. Sometimes you don’t know how to say their last name, but you pronounce it anyway, because it’s not about knowing real details, it’s about being able to identify them to other people so you can share your experiences and laugh hysterically. Often times you’ll encounter new people that are at various points of their own discovery of these people. They’ll ask you, “How can you stand them? They’re incredibly ridiculous.”

This is where you smile and finally realize just how necessary these people are.

Where there was once anger and confusion there is now envy, and possbily even some slight admiration. By now, it’s no longer about whether or not these people are real. At this point, all you can think about it how long it’ll be until you meet the next one.